Monthly Archives: January 2013
I’m reading a Steve Siebold book, and in it he talks about a vision for your future. So lately I’ve really been thinking about where I want to be five or ten years down the road. I never really considered myself a writer but I am taking some online courses and found that I really love to write. I’m awestruck by people right on WordPress with tons of talent like Seyissandradavid@wordpress.com or firstname.lastname@example.org. They write words and poems that seem to have their own melody! When they tell me something is well written I smile all over myself. Back to the point ,what is my vision for my future? Is it to get rich? Well I’d like some money sure! Is it to be a great writer? Well I have a book in the works and one I’m thinking about another and yes it would be great if they sold well and I got some slaps on the back . In all honesty, money and recognition would be wonderful but when the question is what do you most want to accomplish in the next few years? The answer is I want to transcend hope to the world, I realize that’s a grand notion but I refuse to limit God who brought me this far. I want everyone who comes in contact with me to say if God can change that guy he can change me! Not because freddiejay is so good but because Fred was such a useless junkie for most of his life. Again it may seem like a tall order but I’m reminded of a quote that said ” don’t believe a small group can’t change the world, indeed it’s the only thing that ever has” join me in transcending hope to the world with random acts of kindness and with not looking to the bad things but by glorifying all that is good! Happy Thursday friends!
Some mornings I can’t think of anything to write, today I have fifteen things running through my head but I keep coming back to this one idea so I want to get it off my chest. For much of my life I had no idea what being a man entailed, I’m ashamed to say that right through my twenties and into my thirties I had ideas that were askew, to say the least. In my defense I never had many good role models growing up and the ones who tried I just didn’t identify with. I believed for so long that a man was a good fighter, bedded many women and always had a pocketful of hundreds. I’m proud to say that I’m a man today, a real man, lets visit my notion of a real man. I believe a man should love his family and be willing to lay down his life for it, I believe a man works smart to provide for that family. I believe a man stands by his word and has beliefs grounded in his heart. It’s not about how many fights you’re in or how many women you sleep with. When I look into my wife’s eyes and I see love and respect in her eyes and its not because I gave her diamonds its because I paid the phone bill, I know I’m doing something right. When I go to pick my three year old up from head start and he drops everything and runs to me yelling daddy,daddy,daddy! I know I’m doing something right. You got gangsters out there selling drugs and making tons of money and what do those tough guys do when the police show up, they run and hide! Is that tough? No it’s not tough, the movies may make it seem being a gangster is romantic or desirous but the real tough guys know who they are. They are the ones breaking their backs to pay the bills, the guys loving their wife the way Christ loved the church. It’s the daddy’s that come home after a twelve hour day and sit on the floor to play Barbie with their daughters that are, in my opinion, the real tough guys.
Do you have a coworker or family member who never has anything nice to say? The cup is always half empty in their eyes and that’s because someone took the other half from them. I must admit there is a person in my life like that , always complaining and blaming others for his failures. It’s always someone else’s fault , the entire world is corrupt and the only time he seems happy is when he’s telling anyone who will listen the problems of the world. I can’t get rid of this person so I’ve learned to turn him off. I gave up trying to tell him about responsibility for self and the joys of a positive outlook, he would shake his head in agreement and start right back to complaining. I tune him out, I know there’s nothing good coming from his mouth so I refuse to agree or even acknowledge his rants. He will ask if I’m listening and I reply that I hear the words but I’ve no time for negativity. He usually moves away and finds someone else to cry to. I am a masculine man and I don’t think much of men who always talk about problems, I’m solution oriented . Lets take a step further and talk about a person who makes derogatory statements directed at you , you can give away your power and control by arguing or getting angry but you take the wind out of their sails when you pay them no attention. Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that those little ugly words get to you. The real joy comes when you realize their words don’t mean a thing they are the rumblings of a hateful heart or a damaged heart but at any rate if it don’t apply let it fly!
Most men, atleast those not in politics tend to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves. I have a friend named Anthony, we could drive across country without more then fifty words being spoken the entire trip. Whereas a trip to the food lion with my wife will bring on about two thousand words with me hearing only about fifty of them. I’m not about to write about the different sexes and how much they talk but about what really needs to be said. I ask Anthony at one point about five years ago why he says so little ,he gave me a profound reply. He usually does, I mean when this guy speaks I listen because his words are so few. He said ” I live by some very basic rules, first,does it need to be said? Does it need to be said by me? And does it need to be said by me at this very moment? I think about these things before I speak and I found I have a lot less to say.” By the way,if you knew Anthony this could be the Gettysburg Address he probably didnt speak for another three days after that answer. I was awestruck , I started running his words over in my head and thought about how many things I say and how often I use my tongue to convey positive messages. I’m not nearly as quiet as my friend but much less verbal then my wife, if I walk in on two people discussing a third person who isn’t present I don’t join in, if its negative I don’t join in. I like community and fellowship but not tearing people down. I’m in no way perfect but I try to speak positivity and say things about people I’d like them to say about me. As we start the new week I ask you to think about the things you say and wether it it really needs to be said. Happy Monday !
I have a little philosophy I live by ,its to do the best I can and let God do the rest! It may seem simple but I’ve learned over the years that I have control of very few things. I only need to do my best, I don’t have to fix all things or solve everyone’s problems, just putting my best effort forward is all I ask of myself. I fail at times and I’m less then the best I can be but that’s where Gods grace comes in! If you think about it it’s really all we can do, it’s when we start expecting the unrealistic that things get really chaotic. I tend to overextend myself at times when trying to help others, I have ran my own finances in the hole trying to bail someone out of their difficulties,then I end up angry at myself and angry at them. It’s ok to say “I’m just not able to help you right now” or to tell someone “no” ! That’s not always easy, especially to someone we love but it is necessary for our overall mental health.
So I had my title down and had began to write when I discovered I lost twenty maybe thirty dollars between the store last night and home, I pulled it together after searching the house and my jeans from yesterday. I went to get a cup of coffee that someone else made only to find it strong enough to make one cup seem like seven! I slammed the coffee pot down and started to making coffee that one could actually drink! I returned to my ipad to start writing but of course the phone started ringing right away, then my wife who is on second shift thought this would be a great time to discuss our financial obligations for the next thirty years. I’m not exactly feeling like mr positivity this morning! I guess it’s a perfect time to write down what I had in mind anyway, it’s not really about how you feel or what’s going on around you as to wether you’ll be happy or not. It’s mostly up to you, it’s mostly a decision to smile in spite of your circumstances. I lost money and had to make fresh coffee and yes my phone is going off and my wife can nag me at times but I refuse to let these things dictate how my day goes. I choose to move forward and smile at the face I made when I tasted that bitter coffee this morning! There are circumstances beyond our control but a decision to be happy is really up to you!
A man went to his optometrist and found out he had to have eye surgery, and while the surgery may help, there was a chance it could render him blind. While under the doctors discovered it was just a fungus that could be removed and the mans vision would return to 20/20. When he awoke and heard the news he exclaimed “this is the greatest day of my life”! A young lady went for a mammogram where a mass was discovered in her breast, the doctors would have to remove the breast. While under they found that what was supposed to be a tumor was a benign cyst, the young lady woke up and shouted with happiness “praise be to God!” Neither of these people had hit the lottery or were given a brand new car, no ,they were ecstatic that their parts were in working order. We take so many things for granted but if you are in decent health and have 20 bucks on you , you are among the most fortunate on this planet. I want to take this moment to thank God for all the things I take for granted on a daily basis, won’t you join me?
There’s a young lady that goes to some of the same N.A. Meetings I go to and I’ve had some fun giggling at her because she is always shouting out words of encouragement while someone is speaking. Her favorite thing to to say is “help somebody”! So my little group has adopted her words as our mantra and whenever we part , instead of saying goodbye or see ya later we say ” help somebody” it may have started as our little joke but it has been a great way for me to get out of myself and not dwell on my problems. I’m at my best when I’m helping someone, wether its words of encouragement or just an ear to someone who needs to be heard. I had a young woman sit and tell me about the pageants she won and how all the guys went crazy when she walked in the room. After she finished telling me and walked away a complete stranger said to me ” you don’t believe her, do you?” And my answer was that I didnt really think about wether it were true or not but I know she needed to say it and it cost me absolutely nothing to listen. If you have a problem try helping someone else, you’ll feel better for it. You can be someone’s hero with a few minutes of your time, there’s healing in your hands if you’ll step away from your troubles for just a moment to help somebody !