I hope those of you that read my blog know that I’m not pontificating or pointing fingers at you, these post are about my struggles and what I’ve learned from them. There’s always the hope that around the next corner there’s going to be peace and bliss but its been my experience that just isn’t the case. Around the corner is going to be a new problem, a new issue or something else to come to terms with. It’s really about how we deal with these things and what we have learned along the way that defines who we are. I mean, it’s easy to be happy and generous when everything is coming up aces and we have a pocket full of money but what are you like when the rains set in and your down to your last dollar. I failed the test here recently, I let someone else control my anger. I didn’t lose my temper, I gave away my peace. So what are my next steps, first I forgive them, then I forgive myself, I learn from my mistake and try to do better next time. I’m not perfect and I don’t lead the perfect life. I try to love and protect my family but that just isn’t enough, and I tend to put more on myself then I can handle and then want to blame someone else. Truth is I’m a flawed human just learning from the journey and I’m very glad that God has improved me from yesterday and that He leads me into tomorrow . It’s about progress not perfection
All too often we wonder why so many troubles follow us but I ask you to search your heart and see if there’s anyone you’re holding a resentment against, is there a boss, coworker or neighbor that you haven’t forgiven? Carrying hatred around is one of the heaviest loads there is, even if its justified. Some of us come from an abusive upbringing or were in an abusive relationship and feel completely justified in carrying a resentment, but refusing to forgive is like taking poison and expecting someone else to get sick. Throughout my addiction and for much of my life I blamed my parents, law enforcement ,former girlfriends and many others for my position in life. Even after cleaning up it took some serious step work to forgive the guy who killed my father. After finally taking responsibility for my own actions and forgiving those who wronged me I felt an incredible weight lifted off of me, a liberation and peace that is unexplainable. My belief in God and his sons sacrifice for the undeserving masses moved my heart in ways that surpass human understanding. So search your heart and really take a look at what’s in there and for my fellow addicts I must remind you to forgive the one person you have been holding a resentment against for years and years. Who is this person? Yourself. Sometimes in forgiving others and in working the steps we forget to forgive ourselves , it is of the utmost importance that we give ourselves a break in order to free ourselves of the chains that would love to keep us in bondage. Search your heart and have a great day!
Please forgive me for not writing much this week but I’ve been really busy trying to get this book out . I’ve said in other post just how much work has went into this book and I want to acknowledge some of the people who have helped me along the way. I really have to tip my hat to Lee Hibberd who helped me build the website http://www.authorfreddiejay.com. He has put hour after hour into building this site, it scares me to think what it would of looked like without him. If you need someone who won’t charge you an arm and a leg to help build your website get in touch with lee at Lee_Hibberd@hotmail.co.uk , he’s a great guy and very affordable! My proofreaders and critics are Ashley Moran and Pam Brukowski-spittel, these two haven’t been afraid to tell me that I needed to work harder and have helped a great deal with the Pre-editing process. There’s many others but I wanted to say thanks to these three people here because they each have been a huge part of getting the book to its current stage. I thank God each and every day for bringing these people to this project, I really couldn’t have done it without them. To Ashley and Pam I say thank you very much , and to my friend Lee I say “No Worries,Mate!”
I hate this disease!! I hate what it does to the people afflicted by it and I hate what it does to those who love those people that are afflicted by it! Addiction comes in like a hurricane or tornado destroying everything in its path and those that survive find they have a lot of cleaning up to do. This morning I woke up really early and couldn’t fall back to sleep so I started watching a documentary about Richard Pryor called Omit The Logic. I was deeply moved by the story of his genius and of his battle with addiction. Alcohol and drugs can affect anyone, it has no respect of persons . You can be black, white, rich , poor or anything in between, it’s an insidious disease that effects people from all walks of life and from every corner of the globe. I can picture you shaking your head saying ok freddie, tell us something we don’t know. Well how about this, if your not addicted and you don’t know anyone who is, thats rare but possible, you’re still effected by drugs! I’m not talking about getting your purse snatched by an addict or even having direct contact. If your an employer, I guarantee one of your employees has missed time due to drugs or alcohol use or abuse. If you have bought something in a store the price has been marked up to make up for items stolen by addicts trying to fund their drug of choice. My point is everyone has a stake in this thing so please get involved on some level. If you believe as I do that drugs on a users level should be decriminalized and it should be treated as a health issue, then write your lawmakers and tell them just that. If you believe , as I do , that’s it’s the big bankers that launder millions of dollars a month are the problem and not the kid on the corner selling nicks of weed then tell them that. You have a voice , this is your battle , please join me in the fight against this disease
When I started writing a book I had no idea of the work that went into it. I had one of those self publishing companies tell me how much they believed in my book, I had to remind the fellow that I hadn’t told him what my book was about yet. I had others tell me I was under educated and called my writing poor. I hold no animosity toward these people they made me work harder, maybe my writing was poor so I signed up for a course right away, I’m not a Harvard man but I am from the streets and you can learn things in the street they will never understand at Harvard . I didnt know much but I have learned a lot along the way. I faced my Goliath and my book is now in an editors hands, I will have defeated my foe when one person says I read your book and it helped me. I don’t care if Oprah likes my book, I’m hoping joe the dope fiend can turn his life around after reading my book. So am I boasting ? Not at all. If it werent for Gods grace and mercy I would still be in those streets that I came from or dead. I boast about my God and that I believe I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So what’s your Goliath? Are you facing him or running from him? Do you have faith in God? I want you to stop seeing yourself as a small Shepard boy and start being a conquerer through a higher power. There’s mountains of evidence that those of us who believe in something bigger then themselves have overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. The time to take on your Goliath is not next year or next month or even next week, grab your slingshot and get in the fight today!!
Ok we made it to another Friday , what a glorious week I had , filled with ups and downs and all points in between. I took my son to the carnival a couple of times and while we were there he was happy and oh so grateful but when it came time to leave he threw a fit! I mean a fit where other people were watching and probably questioning if I were beating my kid. As we got home I was so upset with him I ask his mother take him and let me go smoke a cigarette ( yes I still struggle with smoking) and cool off before I lost my temper. As I sat out back having my cigarette, I thought about my own actions with God, how often am I like my son, happy when things are going my way but pitching a fit when life sets in and there’s work to be done. All too often my actions mirror a four-year old ,I’m happy while things are going my way but I’m throwing a fit when troubles arise . I’m not talking screaming and crying but just by having an ungrateful heart I’m no better than the four-year old who doesn’t want to leave the carnival! I started writing this blog because I thought I may be able to help others but more often than not I’m actually helping me! So here’s your assignment for the weekend, take a look at yourself this weekend and evaluate yourself honestly. Are you being a child of God or just a child? Have a great weekend!!
Hi friends and family, please forgive me for not writing lately but with the baby out of school and the wife starting a new job I just haven’t had a lot of time. I’ve wrote about happiness many times in my blog , I have wrote in general terms but I write from the position of an addict in recovery to other addicts. We are notorious for dealing with depression even after getting clean. Some say that those who have used opiates for years and years have damaged the part of our brains that give us a sense of well being. I’m not a doctor or a scientist but I am an addict who has dealt with depression. I define depression as feeling bad for no reason, everyone has day to day trouble and being an addict leaves us with a lot of stuff to clean up. So please don’t mistake having regrets or a bad day with being depressed. Some suggest replacement therapy,like methadone or suboxin. I have my theories about this but that really isn’t what this post is about. There are things you can do to battle back against depression, getting up turning on some good or inspirational music is a great start! Calling a positive friend and asking them to come over or go to a meeting is good stuff as well. Prayer really does change things and I highly recommend it just to get started, if you can get to some heavy duty praise and worship ,not only will your depression lift it will run to get away from you! Finally ,if you really want to get rid of that ugly depression, help somebody! If you get outside yourself and volunteer your services to the local community center, homeless shelter or hospital I can guarantee you will feel much better. I know this because I practice what I preach! Hope you are having a great week
On a daily basis we are bombarded with tons of information, with advertisers trying to sell us the next must have item , we are pulled this way and that. It has become second nature and we hardly notice the sixty foot billboard or the pop up ads. Unless you live on a mountain you just can’t get away from it, open a newspaper, it’s there, turn on the TV ,it’s there, it’s everywhere. This item you need to have a Hollywood smile, that item you need to keep up with your neighbors, oh and those items make you better than your neighbors! I know there’s much content available to us and most of it we have to accept but what content are you focusing on? We are human and all need some downtime but what material are you allowing to program your thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break and playing some Angry Birds or with watching a little TV but what are you allowing into your heart? Are you filling it with Bible Studies and a Daily Devotion or are you watching porn and wrestling? I write these post for me and to provoke thought when possible, lately I’ve been giving a bit more thought to what I’m putting in and what I’m getting out. I’m not your conscious and I’m not here to dictate what you should watch but for me I’m paying closer attention to the shows in prime time , if I don’t want my kid to watch it well it’s probably not something I should be watching. Have a great Tuesday
Happy Friday friends and family, we made it through another week and I don’t know about you but mine wasnt great. I feel like I’m giving maximum effort to get minimum progress but that’s just life, sometimes you have to fight for every single inch of ground you make but other times things just float along and get things done with seemingly little effort. Right now I’m in the uphill battle of life and I don’t like it much and that’s what today’s post is about. We all know that in life you have to take the bitter to get the sweet but I think it’s more important that we deal with the bitter with a better attitude . Say that five times real fast. It’s when we are traveling uphill that we really need to look at our behavior and how we handle it. I think that when we accept the struggles in life not only do we make those difficulties that much easier but we learn to be truly grateful when things are going our way. I had a pretty rough week and the easy part isn’t in sight just yet, but here’s what I know, God didnt bring me this far to drop me off now. I just have to keep my eyes on the prize and keep moving forward. In life there will be bitter and there will be sweet , it’s how we handle our share of bitterness that dictates just how much sweet we get.have a great weekend
Happy Thursday friends and family, please forgive me for not posting this week, it’s been hectic but productive. While finishing up the rough copy of my book , due out in December, I’ve been getting all my ducks in a row. I contacted my friend Lee to help me with my website and he has done a fantastic job, so if your in the market for an affordable website let me know and ill put you in contact with my guy. I also have been shooting emails to my friends to proofread my book and give me some feedback. In the midst of all that my bathroom sprung a leak and I spent two days in there, then there’s my buisness to run and did I mention I have a four year old who is a daddy’s boy through and through. There’s many other things going on , way too many to list here but suffice it to say I’ve been really busy and a few things I just haven’t had time to do. Today I make time for those things that I don’t have time for because all the things I do are important to me. Hope you were able to follow all that because I nearly lost myself there lol. Hope your week is going great,stay busy and keep smiling. Special thanks to Lee Hibbard for all your work on the website. God bless!!