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No Chance

A friend of mine went for a job, not only was he qualified but he had plenty of experience and the perfect attitude for that environment . He spoke clearly and answered every question the interviewer ask him, he came across pleasant and affable. When ask about a gap in his work history he was honest the way we he was told to be, he admitted that back in 05 he went through rehab for problem drinking and hasn’t had a drop since. The interviewer applauded his effort to better himself and thanked him for coming in on such short notice. His interview was at 9:30 at night because they needed someone right away, he walked out of the interview with his head held high because the manager assured him he had the job and the second interview would just be a formality, he was never called back for a second interview ! They hired a guy who had previously held the position and had walked out on them the week before. That’s right, rather then give my friend a chance they hired a guy who was known to be dishonest and who had left them at one of their busiest moments! My friend, after eight years of sobriety wasn’t qualified to wash dishes at a chilis restaurant ! What message does this send to people who try to better themselves ? Those that read me know I try to stick to the positive but if someone won’t help a guy who has eight years clean what chance does the recovering addict have?

Seven Times Seventy

All too often we wonder why so many troubles follow us but I ask you to search your heart and see if there’s anyone you’re holding a resentment against, is there a boss, coworker or neighbor that you haven’t forgiven? Carrying hatred around is one of the heaviest loads there is, even if its justified. Some of us come from an abusive upbringing or were in an abusive relationship and feel completely justified in carrying a resentment, but refusing to forgive is like taking poison and expecting someone else to get sick. Throughout my addiction and for much of my life I blamed my parents, law enforcement ,former girlfriends and many others for my position in life. Even after cleaning up it took some serious step work to forgive the guy who killed my father. After finally taking responsibility for my own actions and forgiving those who wronged me I felt an incredible weight lifted off of me, a liberation and peace that is unexplainable. My belief in God and his sons sacrifice for the undeserving masses moved my heart in ways that surpass human understanding. So search your heart and really take a look at what’s in there and for my fellow addicts I must remind you to forgive the one person you have been holding a resentment against for years and years. Who is this person? Yourself. Sometimes in forgiving others and in working the steps we forget to forgive ourselves , it is of the utmost importance that we give ourselves a break in order to free ourselves of the chains that would love to keep us in bondage. Search your heart and have a great day!

Give Depression The Boot

Hi friends and family, please forgive me for not writing lately but with the baby out of school and the wife starting a new job I just haven’t had a lot of time. I’ve wrote about happiness many times in my blog , I have wrote in general terms but I write from the position of an addict in recovery to other addicts. We are notorious for dealing with depression even after getting clean. Some say that those who have used opiates for years and years have damaged the part of our brains that give us a sense of well being. I’m not a doctor or a scientist but I am an addict who has dealt with depression. I define depression as feeling bad for no reason, everyone has day to day trouble and being an addict leaves us with a lot of stuff to clean up. So please don’t mistake having regrets or a bad day with being depressed. Some suggest replacement therapy,like methadone or suboxin. I have my theories about this but that really isn’t what this post is about. There are things you can do to battle back against depression, getting up turning on some good or inspirational music is a great start! Calling a positive friend and asking them to come over or go to a meeting is good stuff as well. Prayer really does change things and I highly recommend it just to get started, if you can get to some heavy duty praise and worship ,not only will your depression lift it will run to get away from you! Finally ,if you really want to get rid of that ugly depression, help somebody! If you get outside yourself and volunteer your services to the local community center, homeless shelter or hospital I can guarantee you will feel much better. I know this because I practice what I preach! Hope you are having a great week

Storms

I’ve always loved rainy days I suppose a therapist could have a field day with that kind of thinking but I don’t mean I want to be stuck out in the cold rain. I just like the overcast sky and the rain hitting the window with its own rhythm , especially on a rainy Sunday when you can sleep late and enjoy the quiet comfort of the raindrops on the roof above. If you have to go out it isn’t so bad if your prepared with an umbrella , a clean windshield and the time to drive a little slower. What’s scary is the storms we don’t see coming, the ones that brew in our house and like a tornado they tend to destroy everything in its path. No matter what radar you have you just can’t see some of them coming, but wether you have advanced warning or not we should always prepare as best we can. Stay prayed up , be in constant contact with He who has power over wind , rain and all of life’s storms. You never have to face storms or troubles on your own and those of us with addictions seem to run into more storms then others but that why God allows us a little more grace. I joke with my friends that God loves drunks and drug addicts more then anyone else and of course we know that God loves all of us but it reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother. I ask her why she seemed to always favor my older brother over me and she looked at me and she said ” Freddie , I love all my children but your strong and independent but your brother needs me more and he always will, I know what he is but he will always need to be comforted and you my son will always comfort others.” I don’t know if mom was shining me on but I’m found my comforter in God and He is my life raft , I’m not ashamed to say I need him, I’m grateful he’s there to see me through life’s storms!

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a virtual scrapbook of an artist's mind

NZ Fiendishly Fiends Fabricated Withdrawal Fables

Methadone sucks. I jumped off 70mg a day. Illegally purchased from "street" sources, of course. And Sam McBride, addiction "specialist" in Wellington, New Zealand, is a complete knob. Turns out, after years of dealing with people all over the spectrum of addiction and those in the recovery industry white collar jobs, that a lot of others working around him are proving just as mind faltering wrong in their choice of profession. Sadly we, the addicted masses, suffer at their whim. Corporate, capitalistic whim it may be. But whim it is. Even though CAPITALISM ADDICTION could be argued as the worst problematic addiction. It's worse for the planet. Worse for people. Worse for happiness. "QUALITY OF LIFE" is something that needs hammering - it's really the be all and end all. If products or drug regimes increase quality of life for an individual, then WTF? Too bad. The ability to live a life is paramount. Complete abstinence is not for 95% of population long term. I base this on nothing. I made it up. They write they rules, definitely rules to the right. "QUALITY OF LIFE" is a measure of recovery. Quality of life is a measure of happiness. How many BMW's you own and spending two hours a day with your three kids and dog is probably not. I am not thick, yet struggle immensely with an answer to WHY? Why do they seemingly take solace in making your life, their business? Learning from people is a progressive societies best feature. Putting your head in the sand is not the same as bending over and showing them your asshole. "THEY CAN, AND DO, SCREW WITH MY LIFE BY A SINGLE STROKE OF THEIR PEN. THIS IS MY PEN. SUCK IT UP PEOPLE". Those who do not in the least find tank girl adorable will be offended. Punks, young people, tank girl fans will think okay. Spiritual advisor's and anyone with psych' qualifications should not think too hard and simply read the words on the page, without examining the mind behind. BOTTOMS UP.

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