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No Chance

A friend of mine went for a job, not only was he qualified but he had plenty of experience and the perfect attitude for that environment . He spoke clearly and answered every question the interviewer ask him, he came across pleasant and affable. When ask about a gap in his work history he was honest the way we he was told to be, he admitted that back in 05 he went through rehab for problem drinking and hasn’t had a drop since. The interviewer applauded his effort to better himself and thanked him for coming in on such short notice. His interview was at 9:30 at night because they needed someone right away, he walked out of the interview with his head held high because the manager assured him he had the job and the second interview would just be a formality, he was never called back for a second interview ! They hired a guy who had previously held the position and had walked out on them the week before. That’s right, rather then give my friend a chance they hired a guy who was known to be dishonest and who had left them at one of their busiest moments! My friend, after eight years of sobriety wasn’t qualified to wash dishes at a chilis restaurant ! What message does this send to people who try to better themselves ? Those that read me know I try to stick to the positive but if someone won’t help a guy who has eight years clean what chance does the recovering addict have?

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T.G.I.M.

Hello folks and happy Monday , I can almost hear the groans, but yes happy Monday . I, for one, think Monday gets a bad rap , I mean, I know it’s the start of the work week and for most people work sucks but Monday is a fresh start and who doesn’t love a fresh start? I think we need to see Monday in a new light, Monday is the day we shrug off any failures or disappointments from the previous week, it’s a brand new week to start on a positive note, on this day we can make a decision to think positive or eat healthy. To actually start an exercise routine like walking or riding a bike. I know there’s plenty of challenges that come with the new week but if we look at them as opportunities instead of barriers we gain a new respect for our fresh start. Yes it’s easy to jump on the band wagon and go along with the crowd slamming Monday for beginning our tormentor but I like to go against the tide at times. I spent years trapped in my addiction, being miserable, getting locked up and going through withdrawal , everyday I’m sober is a Friday by comparison . Somewhere along the way God showed me that it was up to me to either be grateful and live happy or be ungrateful and blame everyone else for my misery. I choose happiness, I choose responsibility for self and I’m able to look in the mirror without wanting to smash it. That, to me, is living in victory and I give God the glory because under my own power I’m a mess, plain and simple. You’re entitled to your belief or your lack thereof but I know what works for me and to choose unhappiness seems crazy but ask yourself what your choice is today. Are you going with the crowd and joining in on negative talk or are you a beacon of light in a sea of darkness?

He can and He is

So I wrote a book and even started a follow up, I’ve followed instruction and taken advice but I’ve found my limitations. Marketing this book is a whole new beast, don’t gather that I’m giving up because nothing could be farther from the truth. No, I’m about to push through my limitation, learn all I can about marketing, do all I can on my own, hire professionals as needed and as funds allow. Along the way ill make mistakes, ill get frustrated and at some point ill say to myself ” I can’t do this” but then ill gather my thoughts and hit my knees to cry out to God and continue on. The book will come out and it will be successful even if it never sells one copy because of the wealth of knowledge I’ve accrued along the way. At some point there will be someone who wants to write a book and ill be able to help them out. When we start looking at things as a learning experience you’ll find that you have less and less failures. I’m Gods success story, it’s through my belief in Him that I have another day free from the shackles of heroin. All the pain, misery, overdoses and prison stays were not in Gods plan for me that was my free will at work but he has taken those negative things and turned them into a positive. I’m able to share my story so others don’t have to go through it. What a glorious day it is when you realize that God can and is using you to help others.

Only As Sick As Our Secrets

What can we hide from God? If the very hairs on our head are numbered by the almighty, what secrets do we have? How about from our fellow man, now there’s a different story? We hide our secrets for fear that others won’t like us after they know us. Everyone has a past and many addicts have things they are shamed by, in fact many get stuck when it comes time to make a fearless, moral inventory . Others balk at the step that requires us to tell another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. However for those of us who have pushed through and worked these steps we found a freedom like never before. It’s liberating to say this is me, warts and all. God has no lack of mercy and grace , He is more then willing to forgive us. All to often it’s that we are unable or unwilling to forgive ourselves. As I approached these steps I felt the same fears so many others before me have felt. I was afraid my sponsor wouldn’t want to be my friend but I pushed past my fear and moved forward . As I started to tell my secrets , my sponsor nodded his head and admitted he had done many of the same things. To my surprise there are many people who have done similar things in pursuit of drugs, admitting to someone that you crawled across the floor to steal from your mothers pocketbook may be tough but after you expose that secret it has no more power over you. How can anyone find out about you after you’ve laid it all out there, there’s nothing to ‘find out’ ! You don’t have to be an addict to work the steps and you don’t have to run all over town blabbing your business to anyone who’ll listen to have worked the steps. I suggest you find a trusted friend or even a priest , if you don’t feel you have a friend that you’re comfortable talking about such things with. Expose those secrets to harsh light of admission and watch them disappear because you’re only as sick as your secrets!

Seven Times Seventy

All too often we wonder why so many troubles follow us but I ask you to search your heart and see if there’s anyone you’re holding a resentment against, is there a boss, coworker or neighbor that you haven’t forgiven? Carrying hatred around is one of the heaviest loads there is, even if its justified. Some of us come from an abusive upbringing or were in an abusive relationship and feel completely justified in carrying a resentment, but refusing to forgive is like taking poison and expecting someone else to get sick. Throughout my addiction and for much of my life I blamed my parents, law enforcement ,former girlfriends and many others for my position in life. Even after cleaning up it took some serious step work to forgive the guy who killed my father. After finally taking responsibility for my own actions and forgiving those who wronged me I felt an incredible weight lifted off of me, a liberation and peace that is unexplainable. My belief in God and his sons sacrifice for the undeserving masses moved my heart in ways that surpass human understanding. So search your heart and really take a look at what’s in there and for my fellow addicts I must remind you to forgive the one person you have been holding a resentment against for years and years. Who is this person? Yourself. Sometimes in forgiving others and in working the steps we forget to forgive ourselves , it is of the utmost importance that we give ourselves a break in order to free ourselves of the chains that would love to keep us in bondage. Search your heart and have a great day!

A Lil Help From My Friends

Please forgive me for not writing much this week but I’ve been really busy trying to get this book out . I’ve said in other post just how much work has went into this book and I want to acknowledge some of the people who have helped me along the way. I really have to tip my hat to Lee Hibberd who helped me build the website http://www.authorfreddiejay.com. He has put hour after hour into building this site, it scares me to think what it would of looked like without him. If you need someone who won’t charge you an arm and a leg to help build your website get in touch with lee at Lee_Hibberd@hotmail.co.uk , he’s a great guy and very affordable! My proofreaders and critics are Ashley Moran and Pam Brukowski-spittel, these two haven’t been afraid to tell me that I needed to work harder and have helped a great deal with the Pre-editing process. There’s many others but I wanted to say thanks to these three people here because they each have been a huge part of getting the book to its current stage. I thank God each and every day for bringing these people to this project, I really couldn’t have done it without them. To Ashley and Pam I say thank you very much , and to my friend Lee I say “No Worries,Mate!”

My Goliath

When I started writing a book I had no idea of the work that went into it. I had one of those self publishing companies tell me how much they believed in my book, I had to remind the fellow that I hadn’t told him what my book was about yet. I had others tell me I was under educated and called my writing poor. I hold no animosity toward these people they made me work harder, maybe my writing was poor so I signed up for a course right away, I’m not a Harvard man but I am from the streets and you can learn things in the street they will never understand at Harvard . I didnt know much but I have learned a lot along the way. I faced my Goliath and my book is now in an editors hands, I will have defeated my foe when one person says I read your book and it helped me. I don’t care if Oprah likes my book, I’m hoping joe the dope fiend can turn his life around after reading my book. So am I boasting ? Not at all. If it werent for Gods grace and mercy I would still be in those streets that I came from or dead. I boast about my God and that I believe I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So what’s your Goliath? Are you facing him or running from him? Do you have faith in God? I want you to stop seeing yourself as a small Shepard boy and start being a conquerer through a higher power. There’s mountains of evidence that those of us who believe in something bigger then themselves have overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. The time to take on your Goliath is not next year or next month or even next week, grab your slingshot and get in the fight today!!

Child Of God, Or Just A Child

Ok we made it to another Friday , what a glorious week I had , filled with ups and downs and all points in between. I took my son to the carnival a couple of times and while we were there he was happy and oh so grateful but when it came time to leave he threw a fit! I mean a fit where other people were watching and probably questioning if I were beating my kid. As we got home I was so upset with him I ask his mother take him and let me go smoke a cigarette ( yes I still struggle with smoking) and cool off before I lost my temper. As I sat out back having my cigarette, I thought about my own actions with God, how often am I like my son, happy when things are going my way but pitching a fit when life sets in and there’s work to be done. All too often my actions mirror a four-year old ,I’m happy while things are going my way but I’m throwing a fit when troubles arise . I’m not talking screaming and crying but just by having an ungrateful heart I’m no better than the four-year old who doesn’t want to leave the carnival! I started writing this blog because I thought I may be able to help others but more often than not I’m actually helping me! So here’s your assignment for the weekend, take a look at yourself this weekend and evaluate yourself honestly. Are you being a child of God or just a child? Have a great weekend!!

Happy Friday friends and family, we made it through another week and I don’t know about you but mine wasnt great. I feel like I’m giving maximum effort to get minimum progress but that’s just life, sometimes you have to fight for every single inch of ground you make but other times things just float along and get things done with seemingly little effort. Right now I’m in the uphill battle of life and I don’t like it much and that’s what today’s post is about. We all know that in life you have to take the bitter to get the sweet but I think it’s more important that we deal with the bitter with a better attitude . Say that five times real fast. It’s when we are traveling uphill that we really need to look at our behavior and how we handle it. I think that when we accept the struggles in life not only do we make those difficulties that much easier but we learn to be truly grateful when things are going our way. I had a pretty rough week and the easy part isn’t in sight just yet, but here’s what I know, God didnt bring me this far to drop me off now. I just have to keep my eyes on the prize and keep moving forward. In life there will be bitter and there will be sweet , it’s how we handle our share of bitterness that dictates just how much sweet we get.have a great weekend

Who do you serve?

What do your closest friends think of you? Are you a friend who can be counted on or are you somebody they expect only to be there in good times? If today was your final day on Earth, what would the people who come to your funeral say? Don’t get me wrong I’m not talking about getting caught up in others expectations of who they think you should be I’m talking about friends and family looking over your lifetime and naming off your attributes. I was reading “The Purpose Driven Life ” this morning, if you don’t have a copy please order one today. It was talking about a passage in the bible that described King David this way: David served God’s purpose in his generation, that’s in Acts 13:36. What a great way to be known throughout time, to be forever remembered as a person who lived for God and not for self. Donald Trump has many buildings named after him to stroke his over inflated ego and sense of self worth. One day those buildings will turn to dust and the glitzy lights will fade away but what will his friends say about him, if he has any? More importantly will it be said that he served Gods purpose in his generation? I don’t know Donald Trump but I doubt it. This blog today is for me, I have to ask myself am I serving God to my full capacity? I’m not, but while I’m alive and still am blessed with the power to make a conscious decision I choose to serve Gods purpose today! You may ask me how I know what God’s purpose is, well there’s a simple way to figure it out. I would point you to Philippians 4:8 …..filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable,authentic , compelling , gracious- the best,not the worst; the beautiful,not the ugly;things to praise, not things to curse. Look this up in your Bible , if you don’t have one pick it up while you’re getting The Purpose Driven Life ;). Have a great day my friends!

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NZ Fiendishly Fiends Fabricated Withdrawal Fables

Methadone sucks. I jumped off 70mg a day. Illegally purchased from "street" sources, of course. And Sam McBride, addiction "specialist" in Wellington, New Zealand, is a complete knob. Turns out, after years of dealing with people all over the spectrum of addiction and those in the recovery industry white collar jobs, that a lot of others working around him are proving just as mind faltering wrong in their choice of profession. Sadly we, the addicted masses, suffer at their whim. Corporate, capitalistic whim it may be. But whim it is. Even though CAPITALISM ADDICTION could be argued as the worst problematic addiction. It's worse for the planet. Worse for people. Worse for happiness. "QUALITY OF LIFE" is something that needs hammering - it's really the be all and end all. If products or drug regimes increase quality of life for an individual, then WTF? Too bad. The ability to live a life is paramount. Complete abstinence is not for 95% of population long term. I base this on nothing. I made it up. They write they rules, definitely rules to the right. "QUALITY OF LIFE" is a measure of recovery. Quality of life is a measure of happiness. How many BMW's you own and spending two hours a day with your three kids and dog is probably not. I am not thick, yet struggle immensely with an answer to WHY? Why do they seemingly take solace in making your life, their business? Learning from people is a progressive societies best feature. Putting your head in the sand is not the same as bending over and showing them your asshole. "THEY CAN, AND DO, SCREW WITH MY LIFE BY A SINGLE STROKE OF THEIR PEN. THIS IS MY PEN. SUCK IT UP PEOPLE". Those who do not in the least find tank girl adorable will be offended. Punks, young people, tank girl fans will think okay. Spiritual advisor's and anyone with psych' qualifications should not think too hard and simply read the words on the page, without examining the mind behind. BOTTOMS UP.

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