Blog Archives

T.G.I.M.

Hello folks and happy Monday , I can almost hear the groans, but yes happy Monday . I, for one, think Monday gets a bad rap , I mean, I know it’s the start of the work week and for most people work sucks but Monday is a fresh start and who doesn’t love a fresh start? I think we need to see Monday in a new light, Monday is the day we shrug off any failures or disappointments from the previous week, it’s a brand new week to start on a positive note, on this day we can make a decision to think positive or eat healthy. To actually start an exercise routine like walking or riding a bike. I know there’s plenty of challenges that come with the new week but if we look at them as opportunities instead of barriers we gain a new respect for our fresh start. Yes it’s easy to jump on the band wagon and go along with the crowd slamming Monday for beginning our tormentor but I like to go against the tide at times. I spent years trapped in my addiction, being miserable, getting locked up and going through withdrawal , everyday I’m sober is a Friday by comparison . Somewhere along the way God showed me that it was up to me to either be grateful and live happy or be ungrateful and blame everyone else for my misery. I choose happiness, I choose responsibility for self and I’m able to look in the mirror without wanting to smash it. That, to me, is living in victory and I give God the glory because under my own power I’m a mess, plain and simple. You’re entitled to your belief or your lack thereof but I know what works for me and to choose unhappiness seems crazy but ask yourself what your choice is today. Are you going with the crowd and joining in on negative talk or are you a beacon of light in a sea of darkness?

Change the world

So what is it that ails America ? That’s right folks I’m taking on the big dogs this week, it appears my series on replacement therapy fell flat (I thought it was good) so I must move on! As I see it, and I’m not alone we have lost our sense of community, it’s become dog eat dog and he who has the most toys wins! How many disasters does it take for us to realize our focus is in the wrong direction. As we watch another episode of cribs and talk about ” if only”! If only I had that job, if only I had that car, if only I had that house, then I’d be happy. If things made us happy no rock star would ever kill himself!! So you ask me, do you know the key to happiness mr smarty pants ? my answer is this, I know what makes me happy. I’m at my best when I’m serving others, an altruistic lifestyle is wired into us and nothing can give me more satisfaction then seeing a grateful smile in return for my help. On Sunday we go to church and we call one another sister and brother and we sit next to people of a different color and we nod our head vigorously when the preacher tells us to love one another. We talk to our fellow parishioners and we agree something needs to be done and we ask what would Jesus do? Ill tell ya what folks, I don’t know what Jesus would do but I can bet he wouldn’t walk out of church , go home and beat his kids, cheat on his wife and report to work on Monday morning ready to take over smaller companies, fire people with family problems and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t spend Monday through Saturday separating himself from his fellow man. Now I know not everyone beats their kids or cheats on their spouse I’m just giving a extreme example of bad behavior. My point is we need, I need ,to carry the sense of community and love for my fellow man throughout my week. I don’t know how to change the world but I do know how to change my world! Have a great week my friends!!!

Only As Sick As Our Secrets

What can we hide from God? If the very hairs on our head are numbered by the almighty, what secrets do we have? How about from our fellow man, now there’s a different story? We hide our secrets for fear that others won’t like us after they know us. Everyone has a past and many addicts have things they are shamed by, in fact many get stuck when it comes time to make a fearless, moral inventory . Others balk at the step that requires us to tell another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. However for those of us who have pushed through and worked these steps we found a freedom like never before. It’s liberating to say this is me, warts and all. God has no lack of mercy and grace , He is more then willing to forgive us. All to often it’s that we are unable or unwilling to forgive ourselves. As I approached these steps I felt the same fears so many others before me have felt. I was afraid my sponsor wouldn’t want to be my friend but I pushed past my fear and moved forward . As I started to tell my secrets , my sponsor nodded his head and admitted he had done many of the same things. To my surprise there are many people who have done similar things in pursuit of drugs, admitting to someone that you crawled across the floor to steal from your mothers pocketbook may be tough but after you expose that secret it has no more power over you. How can anyone find out about you after you’ve laid it all out there, there’s nothing to ‘find out’ ! You don’t have to be an addict to work the steps and you don’t have to run all over town blabbing your business to anyone who’ll listen to have worked the steps. I suggest you find a trusted friend or even a priest , if you don’t feel you have a friend that you’re comfortable talking about such things with. Expose those secrets to harsh light of admission and watch them disappear because you’re only as sick as your secrets!

Seven Times Seventy

All too often we wonder why so many troubles follow us but I ask you to search your heart and see if there’s anyone you’re holding a resentment against, is there a boss, coworker or neighbor that you haven’t forgiven? Carrying hatred around is one of the heaviest loads there is, even if its justified. Some of us come from an abusive upbringing or were in an abusive relationship and feel completely justified in carrying a resentment, but refusing to forgive is like taking poison and expecting someone else to get sick. Throughout my addiction and for much of my life I blamed my parents, law enforcement ,former girlfriends and many others for my position in life. Even after cleaning up it took some serious step work to forgive the guy who killed my father. After finally taking responsibility for my own actions and forgiving those who wronged me I felt an incredible weight lifted off of me, a liberation and peace that is unexplainable. My belief in God and his sons sacrifice for the undeserving masses moved my heart in ways that surpass human understanding. So search your heart and really take a look at what’s in there and for my fellow addicts I must remind you to forgive the one person you have been holding a resentment against for years and years. Who is this person? Yourself. Sometimes in forgiving others and in working the steps we forget to forgive ourselves , it is of the utmost importance that we give ourselves a break in order to free ourselves of the chains that would love to keep us in bondage. Search your heart and have a great day!

Child Of God, Or Just A Child

Ok we made it to another Friday , what a glorious week I had , filled with ups and downs and all points in between. I took my son to the carnival a couple of times and while we were there he was happy and oh so grateful but when it came time to leave he threw a fit! I mean a fit where other people were watching and probably questioning if I were beating my kid. As we got home I was so upset with him I ask his mother take him and let me go smoke a cigarette ( yes I still struggle with smoking) and cool off before I lost my temper. As I sat out back having my cigarette, I thought about my own actions with God, how often am I like my son, happy when things are going my way but pitching a fit when life sets in and there’s work to be done. All too often my actions mirror a four-year old ,I’m happy while things are going my way but I’m throwing a fit when troubles arise . I’m not talking screaming and crying but just by having an ungrateful heart I’m no better than the four-year old who doesn’t want to leave the carnival! I started writing this blog because I thought I may be able to help others but more often than not I’m actually helping me! So here’s your assignment for the weekend, take a look at yourself this weekend and evaluate yourself honestly. Are you being a child of God or just a child? Have a great weekend!!

Give Depression The Boot

Hi friends and family, please forgive me for not writing lately but with the baby out of school and the wife starting a new job I just haven’t had a lot of time. I’ve wrote about happiness many times in my blog , I have wrote in general terms but I write from the position of an addict in recovery to other addicts. We are notorious for dealing with depression even after getting clean. Some say that those who have used opiates for years and years have damaged the part of our brains that give us a sense of well being. I’m not a doctor or a scientist but I am an addict who has dealt with depression. I define depression as feeling bad for no reason, everyone has day to day trouble and being an addict leaves us with a lot of stuff to clean up. So please don’t mistake having regrets or a bad day with being depressed. Some suggest replacement therapy,like methadone or suboxin. I have my theories about this but that really isn’t what this post is about. There are things you can do to battle back against depression, getting up turning on some good or inspirational music is a great start! Calling a positive friend and asking them to come over or go to a meeting is good stuff as well. Prayer really does change things and I highly recommend it just to get started, if you can get to some heavy duty praise and worship ,not only will your depression lift it will run to get away from you! Finally ,if you really want to get rid of that ugly depression, help somebody! If you get outside yourself and volunteer your services to the local community center, homeless shelter or hospital I can guarantee you will feel much better. I know this because I practice what I preach! Hope you are having a great week

Who do you serve?

What do your closest friends think of you? Are you a friend who can be counted on or are you somebody they expect only to be there in good times? If today was your final day on Earth, what would the people who come to your funeral say? Don’t get me wrong I’m not talking about getting caught up in others expectations of who they think you should be I’m talking about friends and family looking over your lifetime and naming off your attributes. I was reading “The Purpose Driven Life ” this morning, if you don’t have a copy please order one today. It was talking about a passage in the bible that described King David this way: David served God’s purpose in his generation, that’s in Acts 13:36. What a great way to be known throughout time, to be forever remembered as a person who lived for God and not for self. Donald Trump has many buildings named after him to stroke his over inflated ego and sense of self worth. One day those buildings will turn to dust and the glitzy lights will fade away but what will his friends say about him, if he has any? More importantly will it be said that he served Gods purpose in his generation? I don’t know Donald Trump but I doubt it. This blog today is for me, I have to ask myself am I serving God to my full capacity? I’m not, but while I’m alive and still am blessed with the power to make a conscious decision I choose to serve Gods purpose today! You may ask me how I know what God’s purpose is, well there’s a simple way to figure it out. I would point you to Philippians 4:8 …..filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable,authentic , compelling , gracious- the best,not the worst; the beautiful,not the ugly;things to praise, not things to curse. Look this up in your Bible , if you don’t have one pick it up while you’re getting The Purpose Driven Life ;). Have a great day my friends!

Support crew

We all need someone we can talk to, that friend who understands us and gives us good, constructive advice. If you don’t have a friend like that I suggest you get some new friends. I get phone calls from people all hours of the night, is it because I’m so brilliant and understand all of life’s mysteries? Absolutely not! I’ve found that more often than not the person on the other end of the phone already knows the answer they just want someone to hear them. It’s not a weakness to admit we need others, don’t you think that when Jesus called Lazarus forward he could have spoken the word and the burial clothes would have fallen off? Of course He could have but he told other to go to him and take care of him because He understood the importance of fellowship, He also knows that sometimes man has to touch things for them to be real to him. Our need to be around others who are going in the same direction is paramount. If you are still hanging with old friends who are doing the same old thing how can you hope to experience the new things life has to offer ?You can’t surround yourself with people going backward and expect to go forward ! If you want to break out of the same old routine, take a look around you and see who lines up with your new attitude. Life is short, cut the dead wood and keep growing! Happy Tuesday!!

Happy Monday ! It’s a brand new week with the chance to start anew, I know you think I’m crazy but I love Mondays ! Lets start this week with one of my favorite topics, happiness. What makes you happy, is it money,love,sex or all of the above? Don’t fault yourself if you think these things give you happiness, that’s just the way we have been programmed. I talk to many different people and I always hear the same things, ” well I’m not happy now but if I could only get this job, then I’d be truly happy” ” if I could only meet the right man/woman then I’d be really happy.” Then there’s my absolute favorite ” if I could just hit the powerball then I’d be eternally happy” I’m here to tell you that’s just not true. Don’t get me wrong I’m not standing on some high ground judging people who feel they need things to be happy I’m speaking from experience , I’ve had the jobs, I’ve had the woman ,I’ve had the money and of course I had lots of drugs but none of them gave me lasting happiness, only fleeting moments of joy or the complete illusion of success. Just the other day I caught myself thinking ” man if I could just get my first book finished and published then I’d be…… What?” Then ill move on to my second book and face the new fears of the sophomore slump or whatever. I need to get up in the morning and say I’m happy today because of my great life now. Today I didn’t wake up in prison or in withdraw or on a park bench and those things alone are cause to be happy. Today I have the joy of seeing my son get ready for school of seeing God at work in my family, the eternal happiness that comes from knowing I’m a child of God loved for who I am, just the way I am. It’s no mistake that I went through so many hardships in life but that which was supposed to kill me God has used to pass along a message of hope! Today I have hope and I’ve been told I can only keep what I have by giving it away but only to those willing to receive it. Happy Monday friends and family, today my hope is that we all find happiness that comes from within, have a good week.

100 Post

Today marks a milestone for me, this is my one hundredth post! Looking back over the things I’ve wrote I guess my central theme has been love! Sometimes I came across wrong, at times my writing was poor and atleast one post is a jumbled mess but overall if I were only known for what I’ve put on here, I’d be ok with that. My intent has always been to spread love, to accentuate the positive and to improve myself. When I told you what you should do, I was talking to me first! This has been and will continue to be a learning experience for me, I’ve found a passion I didnt know existed in the written word. It has made me want to better myself and communicate on a new level, I’ve made new friends and learned many things. I must admit that I like who I am today and that wasnt always the case, in fact in my active addiction I smashed every mirror in my little apartment because I couldn’t stand my own reflection, at one time I prayed for death but God chose to keep me here through several suicide attempts. Life is good and life is beautiful and I’m very happy with my life. It’s not perfect and at times it’s really difficult but I’m glad I have all of you to take this crazy ride with me. Thank you for all the support and please look for my books in the near future! Lets hope the next 100 post are even better then the first!! Peace and love my friends

bohemiaspeaks

a virtual scrapbook of an artist's mind

NZ Fiendishly Fiends Fabricated Withdrawal Fables

Methadone sucks. I jumped off 70mg a day. Illegally purchased from "street" sources, of course. And Sam McBride, addiction "specialist" in Wellington, New Zealand, is a complete knob. Turns out, after years of dealing with people all over the spectrum of addiction and those in the recovery industry white collar jobs, that a lot of others working around him are proving just as mind faltering wrong in their choice of profession. Sadly we, the addicted masses, suffer at their whim. Corporate, capitalistic whim it may be. But whim it is. Even though CAPITALISM ADDICTION could be argued as the worst problematic addiction. It's worse for the planet. Worse for people. Worse for happiness. "QUALITY OF LIFE" is something that needs hammering - it's really the be all and end all. If products or drug regimes increase quality of life for an individual, then WTF? Too bad. The ability to live a life is paramount. Complete abstinence is not for 95% of population long term. I base this on nothing. I made it up. They write they rules, definitely rules to the right. "QUALITY OF LIFE" is a measure of recovery. Quality of life is a measure of happiness. How many BMW's you own and spending two hours a day with your three kids and dog is probably not. I am not thick, yet struggle immensely with an answer to WHY? Why do they seemingly take solace in making your life, their business? Learning from people is a progressive societies best feature. Putting your head in the sand is not the same as bending over and showing them your asshole. "THEY CAN, AND DO, SCREW WITH MY LIFE BY A SINGLE STROKE OF THEIR PEN. THIS IS MY PEN. SUCK IT UP PEOPLE". Those who do not in the least find tank girl adorable will be offended. Punks, young people, tank girl fans will think okay. Spiritual advisor's and anyone with psych' qualifications should not think too hard and simply read the words on the page, without examining the mind behind. BOTTOMS UP.

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